he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
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