dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
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