he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize
