If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
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