My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
