I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
You're like the curious george of whores
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
