Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
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