I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
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