You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
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