can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
