$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
