You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
