Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
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