I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Someone came in the potted fern
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
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