You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Randomize
