i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
