nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Randomize
