I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
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