If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Randomize
