so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
