the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Randomize
