What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
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