I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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