you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Randomize
