whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Randomize
