Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Randomize
