Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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