he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
this hospital has no fireball
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Randomize
