let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
