Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
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