So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Randomize
