You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
This baby is an asshole
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Randomize
