if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Randomize
