Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Be still, my beating vagina.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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