just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Randomize
