Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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