Im at strip club and am horny
I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
