"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
