Non-Jews are for practice
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Randomize
