I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
