pop tarts are not kleenex
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
