My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I can't turn off my feet"
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
don't judge my taste in strippers
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Randomize
