Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Randomize
