Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
"it" just moved
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
I just found a bag of teeth...
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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