Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
