Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
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