Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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