I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Randomize
