We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
