Porn is love you can see.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Lo siento on account of my penis...
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