I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
i need to put some appletini on your dick
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
