He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
He did a backflip because drugs
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
