is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
