I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Randomize
