I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
