just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
