Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Randomize