My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize