i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Randomize
