i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
i came on her dog
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
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