oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
