My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
