Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
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