Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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